Not your average runaround for the suburban lift club

Women believe you can never be too rich or too thin . . . I reckon the male version would have the addendum “or have too big a car”. But that doesn’t really work for the less butch among us. Take Nissan’s new Patrol bakkie, for instance.

Price: R299 500 Article Options Email to Friend Print Article Remove from Favorites Add to Favorites Remove from 'Articles to Read' Add to 'Articles to Read'

The perfect farm lorry

As far as I’m concerned, it’s the perfect farm lorry. Which is who it’s clearly designed for . . . For the more feminine, it’s a big, snorting, high, hot pick-up which, while it might imbue the driver with a sense of invincibility, in some ways, still feels like, well, a big truck.

Definitely not for the lift club –I had two little girls and their luggage in the front with me on a meandering trip from a rainy weekend down the coast, and it was a squeeze.

No aircon, either. Despite wet weather, Durbs can still be as humid as hell most of the year, so I kept opening the window to cool things down – only to be spattered with rain .

Then there was that huge spare wheel attached behind the cab’s rear window, which hampers vision and is surely an open invitation to the national lift club – you know, those okes who lift anything in sight and walk off with it, regardless of who owns it.

Earthy types will probably fall in love

But if I were a farmer, or even one of those earthy types who lives in the bush and never ventures near a city, I’d probably love it – after adding aircon, that is.

With dual tanks capable of carrying a whopping 175 litres of fuel for the powerful 4.2 litre six-cylinder diesel engine, it can take you from here to Umbumbulu without the fuel gauge appearing to move, and emits a glorious tractor-type rumble while doing so.

With exceptional ground clearance, the powerful motor, the high driving position, and a limited slip rear diff (with manually locking hubs), it’s the ideal vehicle for the macho man who resents new technology like central locking, no sound system at all, and old-fashioned wind-up windows.

Great for transporting flocks of sheep

Butch it certainly is. Powerful, and as a mate of mine recently said about another (massive) vehicle, great for squashing taxis. It’s also got this huge bin at the back so a billion cabbages or bags of fertiliser, or even a flock of sheep, would fit in quite comfortably. And it looked impressive in white.

But it’s not that cheap, considering how basic it is. You’ll have to fork out R299 500 for this sturdy workhorse, which comes with a three-year/100 000km factory warranty.